Am I the only one with voices in their head? Well, not really voices, more like “mantras” from the past, from someone else, from my basic proGRAMming as a child.
My basic proGRAMming was influenced by my grandmother, who I called Gram. Gram was a character! She was a big personality with a lot to say. Some things I heard her say repeatedly throughout the first few years of my life with her. Most of the time she was just trying to mold me into an acceptable little human. Other times she was just being funny. Sometimes she was actually wise! So let’s jump right in with a gramism of harsh wisdom!
“It’s hell getting old”
Was often heard as Gram was not in good health by the time I came along. She had vague aches and pains and often had to go lie down for a while, but she was no slouch! She was a hard worker. I think it was meant as a warning to somehow not get old. Hearing this all my young years I swore I’d never grow up!!!
“Pink sky in morning, sailor take warning! Pink sky at night, sailor’s delight.”
My Gram was an intelligent woman, this was one of her words of wisdom that I recall anytime I see a pink sky. As much as I would like to think it is a good way to predict the weather, I’m not so sure this old adage is accurate…
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
This was something she said to make someone feel better when missing a loved one. Later on I thought maybe that’s why we left Pada (Gram’s husband, my Pada) behind, but I never really understood why…
“Beggars can’t be choosers.”
I can’t really recall any related incidences or stories to share about this one but she did say it often enough for me to have it in my psyche! We must have had a lot of beggars coming around!
“Ignorance is bliss.”
Sounds like a positive statement with the word like “Bliss” but it was just her way of saying someone is dumb. I think maybe she was a little bit jealous of “dumb” people that were ignorant of whatever the situation at hand was. Yes Gram, I have to agree with you, ignorance IS bliss!
“Good riddance (to bad rubbish)!”
Often she’d just say “Good riddance” when someone finally left after staying a little bit too long. One late evening, likely a poker night, my aunt and uncle were the last ones to finally leave and not understanding what it meant (and hearing it oh so often) I said “Good riddance” to everyone’s shock! I didn’t really understand what it meant with the word ‘good’ in it, I thought it was like saying good night.
Despite all the negativity, Gram was always singing. Like when you hear a word or phrase that’s in a song and then you just start singing that song.
“Little girls should be seen and not heard.”
This may very well be the most commonly used Gramism. Be pretty and silent, for you are female and a child, neither of which have any value. As this old Gramism went through my head, sometime in my 30’s, I wondered when I became “not a little girl” anymore… I am still affected by the saying even in my 50’s, going through life always apprehensive to speak up, give my opinion or answer a question. Even simple engaging in conversation which leads me to…
“Speak only when spoken to.”
What a conundrum! I am to speak only when spoken to but I should not be heard only seen, shall I pantomime?! (I wish I had an interrobang!)
“Keep your eyes on your own plate.”
Just one more statement to control little inquisitive, curious Jody. A statement to keep her in line and quiet. Stifled. With blinders on.
“If it’s not yours don’t touch it.”
Basically used to keep me from touching things in stores and possibly breaking them to ultimately avoid the potential expense of purchasing a broken item. One more way I was stifled, controlled and kept in binds by the word of Gram.
“Curiosity killed the cat.”
This statement was intended to kill my curiosity, to keep me out of trouble, keep me from asking questions, keep me from exploring. Good thing I’m NOT a cat!
And I’ve saved the best ones for last!
“Shit or get off the pot!”
Well isn’t that just so sweet and lady-like!? This was often heard (and only) during the regular poker games we hosted at the house on the weekends. Friends and relatives often attended these poker nights. My favorite part was collecting any coins that fell on the floor. Being the only child in the room that was one way to keep me entertained. The ante was pennies, nickels, and dimes. Once in awhile my Pada would plunge his big strong hand into his cool whip bowl of change to grab a handful and then toss it on the floor making it rain for little me. I was allowed to keep anything that fell on the floor since coins accidentally fell on the floor especially when people were drinking and getting into the card game. I digress… This statement was her being impatient with someone taking too much time to decide their next move in the poker game. I guess it wasn’t only me she wanted to control.
“Did everything come out all right?”
Was the inquisition upon returning from the bathroom. It was a little joke/pun to her that she enjoyed whenever the opportunity arose.
“Don’t let the Indians get you!”
This was something Gram said to us whenever we left to go out somewhere especially at night after dark. We lived in the Mohawk Valley, an area rich with Indian/Native American/Indigenous people’s history and stories of scalpings. Most likely it was just her colorful way of saying “be careful.” As I’ve aged this has become an ironic statement given my fascination, adoration and soul connection I feel towards the Southwest Pueblo indigenous peoples. I love “Indians” Gram, I want them to get me!
I think that might be my favorite Gramism. I’ll never forget a dream I had one night about my mom and I, that was spawned by this Gramism. It was like any other night, after dark we were leaving the house and as usual Gram yelled after us, “Don’t let the Indians get you!” and there they were!!! Indians running toward us coming down from the forested hill behind our rural house. As I ran, I realized I began to fly!! I floated upward as I watched my mom unable to fly still firmly attached to the Earth. That was my first flying and lucid dream. And more than 40 years later, apparently I’ll never forget it.
Do you have your own mantras or words of wisdom? How about people you know? One of my own that comes to mind is “Time will tell, it always does.” This applies when something is uncertain. Uh, hello, corona virus – 2020 !! This especially applies to new acquaintances for me, as I’m never sure what’s going to happen or how the friendship may evolve or devolve! But I know that over time, everyone shows their true colors.
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