Each person, every single last one of us, interprets or perceives from a unique place, or perspective, or point of view. A place shaped by both genetics and environment. Just as unique as each and every person on the planet, so too are the realities of each and every person. For most of my life I was unaware of the uniqueness of perception & thus reality. Most of my life I thought what I see, hear, etc… IS REALITY.
So what IS reality?
Your reality is not my reality. All that we see, smell, touch, taste, feel, sense, believe, etc… it is all filtered through our own unique lens. Just as dogs can hear frequencies that the human ear can’t, thus making our reality different from a dog’s in the very same moment & place in time. Then there are optical illusions…
“Have you heard of the invisible ships phenomenon, cited in several new-age books and movies? It goes like this: When Captain Cook/Columbus/Magellan (depending on the version of the story you’re hearing) arrived at the coast of Australia/Cuba/South America, the native people completely ignored them, presumably because huge ships were so alien to their experience that “… their highly filtered perceptions couldn’t register what was happening, and they literally failed to ‘see’ the ships.” (Quoting here from JZ Knight’s What the Bleep Do We Know?)” Paragraph quoted from the website/link below
https://www.northcoastjournal.com/humboldt/myth-of-the-invisible-ships/Content?oid=2129921
It’s a wonder any of us get along at all when NONE of us share the same reality.
I recall a rare night out with an acquaintance that was hopeful to become a friend. We had interacted as co-workers over the years and had gone out for a couple of drinks a couple of times before this ”big night out”. We did all the normal things; hung out, talked, toured her abode, walked her dogs, went to a bar, ate & drank. Then at one point late in the evening I began to annoy her and it came out that she thought I was fighting her!?!?!?(where is my interrobang?!) Meanwhile I thought we were getting along just fine the whole time. I felt COMFORTABLE with her, which is not easy for me but was likely due to having known her through work.
My reality – “Yay, a new friend, finally!”
Her reality – “Why is this bitch fighting me?!”
“Just because we don’t see the same thing, doesn’t mean I am wrong.”
When our realities are so far apart, like in the ‘big night out’ I don’t see any reason to try to talk about it…I just leave it and fast. When does it become pointless to make the effort to see ‘eye to eye’? Maybe I abort people too soon?
Recently on a new job, my suspicions of a “Perception Impasse” were confirmed when my boss barked at me to not argue, when I simply stated where I got my data. From my perspective it was a learning opportunity to explain that that particular data is incomplete and where to find more data to complete the picture. From the boss’ perspective I should already know this info, so I must be dumb/lazy/not trying. From my perspective, no one told me the specifics about this data. Even worse, if I was perceived as arguing, then asking any questions to clarify & LEARN (this new job, have been at this new job only 4 weeks) would also be seen as arguing, right? Wouldn’t it? How am I supposed to learn?
The link below is to a very memorable video (to me). Although it is about judging others, I still think it is a good demonstration of perception, since judging people colors our perception of them.
I’m not sure which is better; being AWARE of each individual’s unique point of view/perception, or going through life wondering why people act the way they do.
This leaves me wondering, could a difference in perception be mistaken for gaslighting? In case you don’t know what gaslighting is (other than lighting powered by gas…LOL) the term gaslighting comes from an old movie titled “Gaslight” where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she has a mental illness by dimming their gas-fueled lights and telling her she is hallucinating.
I’m learning to respect others realities, while I doubt others are even aware of this idea, in order for them to be able to respect mine.
It is often easy to assume your reality is shared by others and to neglet the effort it takes to explore with the other person the “how much”, “why” and “wows” of the situation. Then the fun may begin…how come I am not you. What makes the
difference? Should it be cherished? or diminished? Ahhh! Maybe now you will know this person better Surely you will know yourself better!